![]() You confuse subjective conclusions with data/facts. Question whether the emotions and the story behind them (which is only one of many possible explanations) are accurate.ĭon’t confuse stories with facts: When you generate stories instantly, you get so caught up in the moment that you begin to believe your stories are facts. Once you’ve identified what you’re feeling, stop and ask: Is that the right emotion under the circumstances? Is this the right way to master my stories in crucial conversations? Challenge the illusion that what you’re feeling is the only right emotion under the circumstances.īy questioning your feelings, you open yourself up to question your stories. You’re more likely to take an honest look at the story you’re telling yourself if you can admit your true feelings. Knowing what you’re really feeling helps you take a more accurate look at what is going on and why. Expand your emotional vocabulary by learning to specifically describe a range of feelings.Talk openly with others about how you feel.Use specific, accurate descriptions (rather than saying something general, like you’re bummed out).When experiencing strong emotions, stop and think about your feelings.All these skills help with the technique of “master my stories” in crucial conversations. Or they might not realize it when they’re angry. They might say they’re angry when they’re feeling embarrassment and surprise. Identifying your emotions can be difficult - many people can’t accurately describe their feelings. Identify Your FeelingsĪfter examining your behavior, the next step in retracing your path is exploring your feelings. To be objective, consider how others would see your actions 2. If you tell yourself your violent behavior is a necessary tactic, you won’t see the need to reconsider your actions. Take an honest look at what you’re doing. If you realize you’re slipping into silence or violence (being verbally aggressive), stop and take stock. You can get a sense of the Crucial Conversations “master my stories” principle by examining your behavior. What observable evidence (which can be seen/heard) do I have to support this story?īy retracing your path, you enable yourself to think about, question, and change one of more of the elements. Ask: What emotions are driving me to act this way? Ask: How am I acting - with silence or violence? ![]() ![]() To slow down your story-telling process and adrenaline rush, retrace your Path to Action one step at a time (going backward to the triggering event, starting with how you’re behaving): In crucial conversations, master your stories is meant to help you understand and convey your perspective. If you want more positive results from your crucial conversations, change the stories you tell yourself, even in the heat of the moment. Using the “master my stories” technique in crucial conversations helps you get ahold of that emotional justification. We can tell different stories and break the emotions/actions loop. However, the same set of facts can be used to spin infinite stories. As a result, our stories control the outcomes of our crucial conversations. They dictate how we feel, and then how we act. For example, when someone laughs at us, we take it as an insult and feel a surge of anger instantly without consciously thinking about it.Īt first, we control our stories as we tell them, but once they’re told, the stories control us. It happens instantaneously - we tell the story and our temper flares before we know it. They explain why, how, and what: Why did the other person act that way? How should I interpret it? What should I do? And what is the crucial conversations “master my stories” concept?Īs we come up with our own interpretation or stories, our body responds with strong emotions. They’re your interpretations of the facts, helping to explain what you see and hear. Stories are your rationale for what’s going on. What Does Crucial Conversations “Master My Stories” Mean? With the Crucial Conversations “master my stories” principle, you’ll understand how to communicate how you feel and how you see things in a difficult conversation, and how to stay aware of issues you may be causing in the conversation. What does Crucial Conversations‘ “master my stories” mean? How can you use the “master my stories” concept to be a better communicator? Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading. ![]() This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson. ![]()
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